 |
  
Saturday, July 31, 2004
I am the most negative person alive
posted by rosebleed @ 4:10 AM
so I actually started participating in the long island music scene board. someone was asking people to write why they play music, when/why they started, etc. and asked that people be completely honest. and I think it was a really bad decision for me to write something like this. I've been positive lately, optimistic, encouraged. this just slammed the negativity right back into my head. it's one thing to think things, but it's another to put them in almost permanent writing and sign it. now I keep thinking "well if I don't plan on having a carreer in music, and I don't want to be active in getting myself shows, why do I bother trying?" I know nothing will ever stop me from writing/playing music, but saying things like that is enough to make me want to crawl back into whatever slump I was in however long ago and not play shows and not try and write new songs. despite all this, I really enjoyed playing tonight. the sound was terrible, the audience was a little loud, I played an unfamiliar guitar, I tried to pull off a cover I hadn't practiced, but still it was fun and I think I did ok (not wonderful, but ok). as much as I hate admitting it (it's like, giving into the bias against solo artists), I need a band. I need a real one, that practices, writes, sells merchandise, plays shows (maybe even tours). I feel like I got jipped in high school, 'cause even though high school bands hardly ever last, at least they get the experience. I got 3 fake shows (well maybe the one was real enough), a bad website, a bunch of crazy ideas that never happened and a dramatic breakup. I just only wish I'd stuck with the guitar when I first got it, because I would've been good enough at it then to be taken seriously. I feel secure in my ability now, but being a girl in 10th grade that doesn't play guitar very well wasn't the best way to get a band and stay in one.
and I'm getting tired of my older songs, and this isn't good when you've got 16 songs that are done enough to mention, and 10 that are done enough to play (I'm guessing at these numbers here). I feel like since I wrote my latest ones, I put all my old ones to shame and I was never one to throw songs out, but I don't get anything out of playing them anymore. I could just be generalizing, as I do too much. I just feel like I'm struggling for new material when I've already got quite enough to play. this thinking was also probably put into my head by that lims board, someone was defining "professional" and "amateur" musicians. they said professionals play "tried and tested material night after night to new crowds" and amateurs "struggle to play new material for the same crowd on weekends at open mics". so naturally this made me think (and probably offended me, even though I don't consider myself professional). so even though I'm only playing open mics, I'm trying to not have the mentality that I can't play something twice. but doing this, even my new songs are becoming old to me. I can't win.
really I'm not sure what I'm saying anymore and I'm a bit too tired to read this over. I'm also kind of tired of trying to explain and justify myself, as I'm not a writer and don't really like putting my [inconsistent] thoughts into writing. that said, I'm not really sure why I'm a message board junkie.
but because I struggle to give out new material to the fans I don't have on the internet, I recently put up a clip of "away from here", it's on the music page. at least I'm pretty sure I didn't mention that in the last thread, it's kinda hard to tell anymore.
burnt out from doing nothing, I guess. :-/
  
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
away from here
posted by rosebleed @ 12:33 AM
getting that itch to move out. making lists, plans... and realizing it's all hopeless.
where do I start
I don't have the means
to run away from here
so I wait here longing
for the answers to come to me
and I daydream of things
I'll never really need8/25/04
where could I go
I don't know what it means
to roam free
so I'll forever be
in desperate, useless need
sort of came out of nowhere, I didn't plan on adding to this song. there's an mp3 of this up somewhere if you can find it ;)
but I've been on this kick of getting rid of things, and it's just so sad how the things you own tie you down. how could I go anywhere on my own with a couch, a computer, a tv, 9 zillion clothes, etc.?
'the things you own end up owning you'
ok, the harmony makes this song super-weird. I don't know if that's good or bad. :-/ 8/27/04
edit:
so I coast
(I don't know where to go from here, I don't know)
the way the water lets me flow
(where to float on my own)
I don't know where to go
(I can't roam from this flow)
so I try to break myself free
from all these useless things
but I know I'll always be
in this helpless, hopeless dream
I think I'm almost done with this, it's like 3 minutes long and because I'm insane, that seems short to me, but I might leave it as is. I pulled a claire and added a third harmony track. 9/02/04
last edit on this poor post: the new recording is up, might be polished a bit before it goes on my audio page. download here: http://www.forrestrose.com/music/Claire_Raby_-_Away_From_Here.mp3 I think this is my new radio hit or something.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
all I wanted to do was sing...
posted by rosebleed @ 4:07 AM
and now I'm so sung out it's ridiculous.
I've felt strange all night (eating helps), I've got a headache, my stomach hurts, my chest hurts and now my throat hurts.
but I played my new song and didn't do it justice at all, that or I did and it just didn't feel right, I'm not sure. there's something terribly wrong with that song, I think it's responsible in some way for the crappy feeling I have, I can't explain it.
I played contradiction fine (a few incidents of forgetting the words, but I expected that much), completely BOMBED on Aurora (this is why we practice folks). I would've practiced it but I've been so obsessed with singing my new song (which is aptly titled "all wrong"). I played Blue Lights for the hell of it, fucked up the best chord in the song, it felt too short, I felt like a moron. So I had to redeem myself and play another song, so I played falling and fucking rocked it (ok, where did the real claire go?). I was disappointed but the like 5 people that were watching me (terribly bad night, at least it was when I played) said I did well and they liked my voice. I like getting compliments, that's why I love playing there. you can play a shit set and people will still enjoy it.
I sort of wandered outside to stretch out and eventually sat down. eavesdropped about all the drama that was going on or had been going on (well it was kinda hard not to). got random songs stuck in my head that people had played earlier. but all I wanted to do was sing, not even play guitar, just fucking wail my voice. my mother fell asleep so I asked a girl for a ride home, she had garbage playing in her car so as soon as I got home I put it on. I fucking love that album (garbage- self titled). listening to it made me remember how much I'd like to cover half the songs on it, will have to bring this up to vicky. was finger eleven - tip after that and halfway through I stopped it to record. I can't even imagine singing right now.
I recorded the song and I listened to it like 80 times (didn't help my headache), there's just something so strange. I desperately want feedback on it and I posted it on a few message boards (nothing yet). I'm about to start harassing people on AIM. no one I know has heard this yet, usually kathleen/jim/sometimes vicky are the first to hear my songs, I definitely place too much emphasis on what my friends think of them.
but writing this is tiring the shit out of me and I might just retire early.
someone just reading this must have no friggin clue what I'm on about, so to clarify, I played the open mic tonight at eastenders, as I usually do on fridays and wednesdays. I also bitch a lot, but you definitely knew that. :P
Friday, July 09, 2004
I've got this all wrong
posted by rosebleed @ 1:23 AM
I wish you wouldn't say things like that
begging me to prove you wrong
I stumble on my words
I can't do this here
I cannot think clear
oh no I cannot
I wish you wouldn't do this to me
hinting that I call your bluff
but I know this is serious
I just can't make this claim
it stains me with shame
oh it pains me
you know, I think I almost want to call it that.
but really, if I didn't like the song so much, it would be in the trash already. I like the predictable/strange chord progressions in it. I'll think about putting up a clip of this, but it's not done yet. and I'm hestitant, because really it's all wrong.7/10/04
not a perfect recording, but it works for a song that isn't really finished.
purevolume.com/claireraby
Friday, July 02, 2004
extending play
posted by rosebleed @ 12:41 AM
ok, before you go running around saying "she's releasing something?", know that this is just as in-the-air as everything else I plan, but at some point, it-or-something-like-it is going to happen.
I've been talking to a girl from canada (she lives along the ny border) and we've been making plans to put a band together. yes, she lives far away, but we're going to at least try. even if it doesn't work out (which I'm optimistic that it will), eventually I am going to get a band. and I really hate when solo artists drop everything they're doing for the band, but that's just how it happens since most people don't like playing solo. I'm not saying I'm going to do that, but if I do, I'd like to have something to show for my solo career. this is why I want to make EP's.
The first one I would do is very similar to my original demo plan, but just consisting of all my older, more acoustic sounding songs. just because they all have a similar feel, were all written around the same time and, not to make life boring, I think they all belong together and don't fit with my other songs.
a rough sort of track list would be like:
- alone/getting my way
- burn away
- meaningless
- lying
- alone/pieces (it's sort of a medley so it wouldn't feel like the same song being on there twice)
I know you're thinking, claire-- you're crazy, just make a full length. but some of my songs really need a band and I'd like to hold out on recording them until I have one. the idea is I might make an EP after this, or I might not. the one I would maybe make after this would be with more current songs like:
- falling
- waste (it still doesn't have a real title!!!!!)
- contradiction
- flames
- sunny skies (if I finish it)
- hiding (ditto)
- two others I've been sitting on that are far from done
I'm not sure about breaking down or thimbelina, as I've always seen them as band songs.
but I would also like to make a camoglitter EP. just for history's sake. and because I really like a lot of the songs we played, just not enough to do anything with them in the future. the songs would be mostly everything on the lyrics page (depending on whether I can finish the short ones or pass them off as a short song or not) and probably a song we'd been working on that we never made lyrics for ('fool', titled that because it sounds a bit like everlong [not that I encourage you to think that] and has a definite tool influence). I know I probably have no reason to do this, but it's something I always felt I needed to do.
thoughts?
|
|
