Tuesday, July 29, 2003
you shine like i wanted to shine
posted by rosebleed @ 1:14 AM
"Stained my eyes, can't wash it away
Poison in my mind, hopeless strain,
upstairs is the instrument of my disposal
Where i'll hold my future in my trembling hands...

i hold you close to my body,
and take comfort in your sound
and you shine like i wanted to shine
but now you will finally grant me release...

you are the pain in me
the thorn that makes me bleed
the callous that never leaves,
you are a piece of me..

you are the invader of raw emotion
rape my emotion and try to hide
this harmonious bullet that you put inside
you are my lovely six string suicide.." -the drive


I hope to play this song on wednesday...

I hope someone comes to watch me play this song on wednesday...

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On 12/11/2004 7:03 AM, Blogger rosebleed said...  
on 07/29/03 at 5:15pm, only mostly wrote: and you shine like i wanted to shine like, best line ever. *drools*

on 07/29/03 at 5:43pm, rosebleed wrote: hence the thread title, I love that line. *practices song more*

Wednesday, July 23, 2003
'contradiction'
posted by rosebleed @ 1:46 AM
I thought I'd post the words here since no one on the VS board replied to it... I'd really love to finish this, or at least make it seem finished, before tomorrow (today)..


my life's been written
before it's over
I've become so predictable
that everything seems the same
but I know there's something more to this
I feel it in my emptiness
but I'm tied down by my insistent contradiction

my heart feels heavy
it carries oceans
and I drown in redundancy
and choke on stubbornness
and I feel it pushing down on me
I know this isn't right for me
but I can't bring myself to leave

8/25/03

updated version, very subject to change:


my life's been written
before it's over
I've become so predictable
that everything seems the same
but I know there's something more to this
I feel it in my emptiness
but I'm tied down by my insistent contradiction

my heart feels heavy
it carries oceans
and I drown in redundancy
and choke on stubbornness
and I feel it pushing down on me
I know this isn't right for me
but I can't bring myself to leave

I've seen this before
over and over again
I've felt this before
before I knew I wasn't really sure

and I'll keep searching here
for meaning to this life
but everything is meaningless
when you don't want to decide

my life's been written, it's over
and I drown in everything
and choke on wholly nothing
and this doesn't feel quite right to me
and I feel it closing in on me
but I don't think I know how to cease

this life's been written before
over and over again
and I know that I could be stronger
but I know this isn't the deepest I can dig myself

this hole gets deeper and deeper by the minute
I know it's caving in on me
and I feel you watching over me
as I suffocate in all my fear




I wrote all kinds of silly guitar leads to this that I probably won't use... so I have no idea how the song will end up in its entirety...

10/14/03

this hole gets deeper and deeper by the minute
I know it's caving in on me
and I feel you watching over me
as I suffocate in all my fear
these simple things are drowning me
I don't mean to be contradictory
but I never really know what to feel


... I'm gonna half-ass record it now. we'll see how the acoustics are in my new living room. ;)

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Comments (1):
On 12/11/2004 7:14 AM, Blogger rosebleed said...  
on 10/18/03 at 12:03am, Chris wrote: I didn't see anyone responding, or maybe I'm blind? cool new song :D

Tuesday, July 22, 2003
why I'll never have a band
posted by rosebleed @ 9:12 PM
I don't seek people out, I wait for them to come to me, and because of this, I only get people that I would never in my right mind play with. I need to hear someone play/sing and be really impressed and I need them to be likeable and tolerable and a friend. I just learned the third vocal part to sleeper car, I don't have a 4-track or an amp to record it on (and no one is here! grr) and even if I did, I don't have a band that I could play it with. I'm probably going to play tomorrow night at the rec center (will add to shows page shortly) and I'd love to play it, but it's a difficult song to pull off with one person (even nina gordon couldn't do it)... I know that I'm young and I have many years ahead of me to continue looking (or be lucky enough not to have to) but I can't give up and I can't actively do it! It's just like everything else that I do wrong in life... I want to play my new song tomorrow too, but I'm never gonna finish it.. it shouldn't be this difficult! geesh!

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Comments (1):
On 12/11/2004 7:19 AM, Blogger rosebleed said...  
on 01/10/04 at 12:33pm, ~Ruby wrote: If I'm ever in NY, where you are, and you need a flutist (who doesn't?) I'll be there. :D

on 01/11/04 at 11:43pm, rosebleed wrote: did you know that I play the flute too? I haven't really played in a long time though, I was never terribly good at it, I mean I can play anything by ear, but I have no speed and such

Friday, July 04, 2003
fairytale dreams...
posted by rosebleed @ 7:49 AM
that song, among others (and a few other things) put a thought into my head... now, I let go of my delusions of fame a long time ago, I've learned that you don't have to sell a million records to have people who listen to you... but as I sat there recording some old songs that I wrote years ago (although I wrotes several of my current songs in the same time period, they're really, well, bad) I was just thinking "wouldn't it be cool to record all these and put them on a cd as like an extra thing, just something special for people who really want it," but it reminded me that there's no one that would want it. That's something you have to earn, for people to say "I'd love to get my hands on some early material from her" and it's really hard to see myself getting from where I am now to that point. All these people at the Veruca Salt board (which is like a second home to me cuz I'm that lame) tell me that I should believe in myself and I shouldn't give up, but let me tell you, it's really hard to take yourself seriously, especially when you haven't written a decent song in over a year... I don't know, I just want to be able to play really long sets and stand on stage and talk too much and have people trading my rare mp3s and bootlegs, but that's what real fame is, and as I said, it has to be earned. I feel like a broken record because I know and often say that I have to work really hard for the things I want, but I want them to just happen, I'm so not cut out for this... Tell me what I'm doing wrong?

"will it ever come like it did for you?"

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