Sunday, April 05, 2015
got no resolve to lift this spill
posted by forrestrose @ 12:31 AM

got this thing brewing in my head
and it's dark and it's swirling
can't take the heat, burning
'n'I can't take credit's due
can't make the bill
got no resolve to lift this spill
(curled around your fingers
I am twisting, I'm conflicting
my unresolved time invested)

got this thing spilling over the top
don't cry over'n'easy fix
sunny side over the edge
(let the cat lick it up)
(I can't sleep it off)
my condition aggravated
nerves are grated, green and jaded
(oh, I am steaming
boiling point ever-decreasing)

always a sucker for the faux pas
supporting role to a film noir
depending on my current plot
fear I may come up short of my mark

if I live in this sigh tonight
instead of your smiling eyes
oh I'll be sad to say
that I will stay that way

if I let in this high tonight
will it steady my shaking eyes
for we are the sad girls, you see
we don't want to stay this way
(I don't wanna be the one not to stay)


I speak of beauty like I've never even laid my eyes on it
I speak of love as if it's just a joke and I'm the butt of it
(it's just my luck to bear the brunt of this)

but for all your faults and all the times
(it's not my fault this time, just tell me it's not my fault)
I swear to god you made shit up to scare me away
(you'll push your luck to push me away)
I will stand here fearless as I watch you drift away
(but I'll lose you anyway)

you speak to me like I'm just there to hear the thoughts you speak aloud
you speak of me like I am just another girl you could never love
(you speak of me like I could never even make the cut for love
you speak to me like I'm your open ear for only what you'll divulge)

withhold your heart and hold mine tight
(it's not your fault you're scared, it's not your fault
it's not my fault I care too much, it's not my fault)

and all this time
I'd swear to god I made this up to screw with my brain
I will sit tight, patiently, I'll lose it anyway
(I will stand here fearless but I'll lose you anyway)

it's not my fault this time, but I'm lying
(I speak of you like you don't even exist)

I think the bad vibes that these two songs give me is all about how I feel they're unfair in some way, inaccurate or just cold when they are supposed to be loving and caring.  I should've maybe expected some kind of writer's block to correspond with the depressive state that I did expect, but instead it's caught me off guard and I find myself feeling disheartened, inadequate and insincere.  while I don't think either of these songs are really finished, I'm eager for my next song to find me.

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