Friday, May 18, 2012
time is only a reminder of what's behind us
posted by forrestrose @ 2:29 AM

as the winter closes in, I am a mess
I am a wreck, I am obsessed
with anyone who sings to me
and I am constantly inviting misery

and every waking thought and dream
is permeated with my latest scheme and
denigration, yes, it seems to be
the only thing that I am versed in feeling
(always seem to be immersed in feeling)

every time I hold it in I am amassing all this weight
I hesitate to be the one to break the ice
(I cannot waste anymore time on passing time)
but I am freezing in this lake inside my mind
(but I am frozen in place, unsatisfied)

every wasted thought and dream
is dedicated to the latest thing and
everyone set in my scene is
contemplated till they're running, reeling
(debilitated by the silent screaming)

but where would I be if I stopped
running in circles till I drop
burnt out on phonographic love
these things will never be enough
(dedication, yes, it seems to be
the only thing that I have left)


how can I sleep
when I'm shoulder deep in my woes
and what could I see
if I'd only retreat from these walls

so fast the time goes
but still I move so slow
sixty to zero
can you not expect me to be thrown?


I've been calling, you've been stalling
you're a tiger and I'm in blinders

I've been longing all these long days
just to finally put this behind me

we've been dancing around this all night
we're like lovers trapped in mortar

time is lonely, time is only
a reminder of what's behind us


we've been on this road for too long just to reach a dead end
if all paths lead here, then how can we ever get there?

if I believe it hard enough then can I make it real?
(if I concede to make-believe then maybe we could settle for dreams)
I fall for fiction, abandon reason, cannot find my path to freedom
(and all that you have given me, how can I simply let this be)

in the night I come to life and maybe I'm just a wolf in flight
(the end is nigh and why can't I just gather up the will to fight)
and all the words and songs I sing could never portray what this means to me
(after all the songs and all your ease, how can I say what you mean to me?)

my apologies for ripping off the line in less than jake's "overrated" that says "I'm a wreck, I'm a mess," I was sure I'd heard it before but used it anyway. as usual I think it's kind of neat ripping off something like that because once I know, it becomes sort of a tribute to that artist/song. I've done this almost more times than I can count. "phonographic love" is another "victrola" reference in a way, but is really about sort of replacing people with music and, while finding an immense amount of love in it, not being emotionally satisfied by it. the second part of this is another song I'm going to couple with it, because I keep writing songs in twos. it's a darker variation of the same musical theme.

the second (pair of) song(s) is likely going to be a couplet of songs called "tiger" and "wolf." I've stared at an article that's been posted at my job over the past year and it talks about comparing people to animals and what animal you would say a person most resembles, so this song, or songs, is based on that concept. the funny thing is, I compare myself both to a horse and a wolf, neither of which I would ever have chosen for myself prior to writing this. I chose a wolf because they are initially timid and cautious animals toward people and the unknown, but are inquisitive and social (with the added bonus of it being a reference to the flatliners' "party wolf club"). and I'm a horse in blinders because I see what I want to see and can't see things that will cause me pain coming. the line "if all paths lead here" is like that whole "tomorrow, you're always a day away" concept, if we're always here, in the present, then "there" is just an abstract concept, like time. it's about the whole struggle between "living in the present" and "planning for the future."

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