Saturday, February 20, 2010
I wish for air to breathe and miles to see
posted by forrestrose @ 7:34 AM

I dream in music, I wake to silence
I sing the melodies with no accompaniment
the songs are shallow and pale in comparison
to all the instruments that ring inside my head


I wait for all the walls to come down
I cannot find a way out
I wish for air to breathe and miles to see
I do not believe that anyone will come for me
(no one will come for me)

what have I become, overcome with delirium
what if I succumb to overwhelming tedium
if I find a way out
will I want one
when the walls come down

the first song is an a capella song that I'll never do anything with. but it's true, I do write better music in my sleep (which somehow almost makes me wish I wasn't so opposed to mind-altering substances). the second is an old song I added more to, and in typical claire fashion I've yet to connect the two pieces. it's strange to revisit something I wrote almost three years ago and realize I feel exactly the same way, still wishing for the freedom that eludes me. I suppose I've read things I've written even farther back than that and felt the same way I did then, but it never stops surprising me.

warning! technobabble
I've been working on my website, and what I mean is, I squeezed the entire website into one page in order to combine it with my journal, because in a month blogger is going to get rid of ftp support and I won't be able to have my journal on my site anymore. so I figured, why not get rid of my webspace altogether and just migrate my site to my journal (which they allow domains to point to so the site would keep the same address). but now I'm realizing why I got webspace to begin with-- being able to host audio, having my sites all in one place and having complete control over them, etc., yet I'm already set on the idea of not having to pay for it. so I may've done all this for nothing, or if I didn't, I may have to sacrifice some things I apparently take for granted about having my own webspace. needless to say it's frustrating, and I only have till the end of the month to decide.

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