Monday, December 03, 2007
has it always been so out of hand?
posted by forrestrose @ 4:32 AM

and all I can think is this wasn't supposed to happen
oh I waiver so much that I'm starting to notice a pattern
if I set my standards low will I still feel it in my bones
and how far can I expect this to go
(and all I know is I can't bear to go)

suddenly it seems so familiar
every time I run for the door
energies I waste in retreating to quieter ground
(over and over and over and over again)
every side of my cage must face the sound
(noise I can't escape, in or out)


how evil of me to use sound as a metaphor for something bad. shame on me.
I'm actually really mad at myself for those last two (well ok, four) lines, because I didn't want to bring that sentiment into this song, the whole "no matter what I do I'm fucked" mentality. but I loved the wording, despite the way I jump from idioms to a random metaphor. anyway, I didn't like this song much at first, but of course it's grown on me. I just wish I would stop writing such harsh things (at least it seems that way to me). I sampled a super old song here (the over and over line), which got me recording super old songs for fun. I'm not doing the world any favors by saving these things...

11/10/08

and all I can think is this wasn't supposed to happen
oh I waiver so much that I'm starting to notice a pattern
if I set my standards low will I still feel it in my bones
and how far can I expect this to go
(and all I know is I can't bear to go)

suddenly it seems so familiar
every time I run for the door
energies I waste in retreating to quieter ground
(over and over and over and over again)
every side of my cage must face the sound
(noise I can't escape, in or out)

and all that I feel is laced with an unspoken yearning
to see what would be if I evaded this constant reverting
and all that I know is I can't be there to give my all at once
(and all that I know is I can't ignore all that was)
I wish it were fair that I cannot bear it all
(I never forget a note)

nothing has changed, I stand inbetween freezers and flames
and all I contain will never be matted and framed
and every last inch I try to give is filled in with empty space
(and here we go again)
there's so much more I'm not prepared to face
(why is it so hard to just declare my place)

and I have never felt so far away from you
(don't you feel it too)
but I will hold you close as I have grown to do
(like this weight is pulling me to be finished with you)
if I wake up every day feeling sure that I could stay
is this ever going to go


this has been done for a while now, but I can't for the life of me think of a title of it. I want something that has to do with being pulled in two different directions, opposites. when I record a song I usually take one word from the lyrics and use it as a working title, the problem is I get so attached to that word that nothing else sounds right to me. the word in this case is "pattern," but it's really not a sufficient title, it doesn't satisfy my strict requirements, haha. the awful scratch recording of this might end up on purevolume as soon as I can think of a name...



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