Wednesday, February 21, 2007
"why do I torture myself?"
posted by forrestrose @ 7:52 PM

I find myself
sifting through letters
(sifting through the mail)
and checking for calls on my cell
(checking for holes in my cell)

I ask myself
what is the point if I
can't even handle it well
(what is the point of this hell)


well, if I can't write a song without harmonies and mutltiple vocal parts, then so be it, that's how I write. and I happen to adore it. my deepest apologies for using the word "cell" but I really it sounded a lot better than "phone" and I got the double meaning out of it, so I'm satisfied with it. but um, this song is so dark, it's similar to "silence" in a way. I did a cool echo effect with the lines in the second verse. but, like an ass, I can't play the guitar part, so I resorted to playing the straight chords and dubbing the picking part, which might stick, who knows. but I want some kind of explosive chorus for this. I know that sounds kind of cheesy, but I've been listening to becky's new song, "this machine" and while I think it may repeat the chorus too much, it's very powerful and I'd love something like that for this song. this song also reminds me a bit of Evelyn Red's "hourglass" (it's the guitar part, and theirs is much cooler than mine) and that also has a very strong chorus. we'll see, time will tell, haha.

(I'm a dork.)

2/22/07

why torture myself
I die every time your presense is felt
(every time our silence is squelched)
a blazing fire is fed
I crave for this thirst to be quenched
(I need for this need not to be met)

this morning I saw your ghost
sitting in front of the window
you'd never wear that, I said
you'd never understand what that meant

I ask myself
what is the point if I
can't even explain it well
(why do I torture myself)
what is the point if I
can't even tell you myself
(why do I torture myself)

are you watching
are you listening
are you watching
(are you really listening)
are you listening
(are you watching me)


and the "I ask myself" repeats about a million times, it's not the strong "chorus" I was going for, but it's catchy, and the "why torture myself" is pretty strong, if not in the way I wanted it to be. my crappy recording I think ends sort of abruptly, since I want to repeat the last part until you want to strangle me, but it's alright as is. because I know I'm never going to record it.

so, I had sort of a surreal experience this morning, which inspired a lot of this, and I have to be a dork and compare it to the x-files episode "beyond the sea," where scully sees a vision of her father sitting in front of her when she's first waking up, and then recieves a call that he died. and honestly, that idea spooked me a little bit, but I'm not really a spiritual person, and I'm sort of showing that and questioning it in the song.

I can't even begin to count how many songs (my own and others') I've ripped off in this one. one of which I'm still trying to place, some song that says "fire" in the same prominent way that I sing it, I suppose I'll figure it out eventually.

this song is spinning in my head so much I don't even want to listen to it. to prove my dork-ism once more, I was reading a less than jake interview where they were asked if they listened to their own music, and I guess I'm just weird for listening to mine. really I think I'm my only fan. I listen to my own music about as much as I listen to my favorite artists, maybe I'm just vain and self-absorbed, yes, that's probably it.

3/20/07

I put this up on purevolume.com, and probably against my better judgement, I knocked off Away From Here (but now people will just have to download it to listen to it). as far as the ending of this song not being long enough, I decided I would play the whole part (from the 'are you watching' part) one additional time, but every time I attempt to splice it into the current recording, I get way too frustrated, so it will just have to wait. I really really really wish I could put up more streaming songs for people to listen to, because I have all these songs that are done but don't have formal recordings yet, and I want to share them with anyone who is willing to listen and overlook their demo-ish nature. I guess it's just more incentive to get the flash player for my site working...



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