Friday, February 24, 2006
for some, pain is orange(but all orange means to me is loud clothing and road cones...)
posted by forrestrose @ 3:01 AM

I felt so scared to wake up
knowing that I wouldn't belong anywhere
I just want to know you'll be here when I arise
waiting patiently for me to wake

it's about time I posted this. but as usual, I wanted to wait until there was a little more to it before I put it online. the song seems to have a strange optimism that doesn't fit with the subject matter or how I feel right now, or maybe it does all too well and I'm just afraid of being optimistic, heh. the music reflects this the most, it's light and dreamy and makes me think of the color yellow-- sunshine, not blue-green like I'm being swallowed by the ocean. forgive the psych bullshit, but isn't it funny that I considered yellow to be my favorite color as a child (and maybe only because it was closest to white, which people told me wasn't a "real color" and that I had to choose something else), and now I can't stand it? of course, having to live in a yellow room (with blue-green paint underneath that I liked so much better) may've had something to do with it.

there are some things I've written (in regard to playing music) that I'd like to post somewhere, but not here, not now. I just read my whole journal and I almost feel good about my writing (writing writing, not lyrics/poetry, though I was reading my old poetry and I can't figure out why I'm not good at poetry anymore). I seem to remember feeling the same way after reading my online diary.

but now I'm tired and spacey and I don't think I like where all this is going.

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